Monday, December 21, 2009

I can’t wait for Christmas

Ugh! I know I should probably be more sensitive and not use the “C” word, especially since I don’t even celebrate the religious aspects of Chirstmas, but my family does do Christmas with the tree, Santa, presents, etc. And this year, I’m kind of excited to see what is under the tree for me. But first let me explain myself a bit. I have never been interested in what I will get…oh wait, scratch that. It’s not true. Outwardly I’ve never been interested and I have always been very much into the spirit of the season, but secretly…yes I really did want some cool thing. Sometimes I got it and sometimes I didn’t. Then underneath my wanting and not wanting is a load of guilt about getting any material items, because it’s not about getting and I know that.

Are you getting a glimpse of mind twisted way of thinking? I want stuff, but I don’t want it and if I get it I feel guilty. I know you are not my therapist and really don’t want you to ponder on this. I’m getting to the point now…

When my kids wanted money this year to do their shopping I frowned and said stuff like, “Why don’t you just make me something?” and “My gift would be for you to be successful and happy.” But they didn’t like these responses. So I gave them money (why I had to give them money is a topic for another time).

Now, since I gave them such vague responses as mentioned above when they asked what I wanted for Christmas I don’t expect that I’ll get anything that I actually would like to have. It’s sort of like that time I only told Santa about the doll I wanted. I think my kids know me well and will get something thoughtful that I’ll like. But come that special, magical, crazy morning when we open gifts I might not get anything I want. And that is okay.

What I’ll get are gifts that everyone put effort and thought into. And even though they didn’t raid the recycling bin to make me some totally useless thing-a-m-bob, they are giving me gifts because they want to see me smile and make me happy.

The kids finished up their shopping this weekend. I had the house to myself to finish crafting up my homemade gifts and wrapping. Then come Sunday night everyone was done with the hectic gathering and pleased that they found great gifts for everyone else. And I can’t wait to see their faces when I open their gifts.

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