Courtesy or Bad Manners? What's your opinion?

Once upon a time, I overdrafted my account while paying for something at a local college bookstore. It was so long ago that I can't remember how I paid but it must have been by check. The manager called me at work (I don't remember why she would have my work number) screaming at me. She yelled explicatives and spoke as if I were a criminal or completely stupid. I remember saying to her, "Do you mean to tell me that you've never made a mistake and overdrafted your account?" That question completely disarmed her. Of course she had, who hasn't!

Although I got control over the situation, I was still embarrassed. And, obviously this left it's mark on me. At that time I was managing my money through one of the big banks. I didn't have automatic overdraft protection and didn't really know much about it. Years later I started working for a credit union and learned more about overdraft protection and all of it's glorious virtues. Then one day courtesy pay was introduced ...

Courtesy pay will cover your overdraft discreetly. If you don't have the funds in either your checking or overdraft account (typically your savings account) the transaction will be funded anyway. But there is a catch. That courtesy will cost you a fee. The amount of the fee varies from $20-$35 depending on the financial institution. Both banks and credit unions offer courtesy fee.

The courtesy pay fee created mild controvesy but over time courtesy pay became accepted as a convenience. Now the controversy heats up again as less people and even less merchants deal with checks. Debit cards are now king because of the simple beauty that they pull funds from your checking account in almost real-time. The understanding was that if there wasn't cash the transaction would be declined.

But, more financial institutions are extending courtesy pay to debit card transactions. I wish I could say that it's just banks doing this, but that's not so, some credit unions also partake.

To be totally fair, not all debit transactions are always covered by courtesy pay. Point-of-purchase transactions often are not covered. That means if you are at, say for example, Target or an ATM your debit card can be declined. But, if you are shopping online, like at Target.com, and you've entered in all the debit card info including the security code on the back of the card that could be considered an "authorized" transaction and could be funded by courtesy pay. So in-person you might be declined, remotely you might not be declined. These are solid rules though, it could go either way depending on the discretion of the financial institution.

So what do you think, is it a courtesy or bad manners?

Should you share everything with your partner?

Okay we get that all advice to couples is that honesty and openness are always best. That's not even up for argument. If you want your relationship to be strong it's got to be open and honest, but that doesn't mean that you have to share everything.

Here's what I mean. When it comes to banking accounts couples can choose between joint accounts, shared accounts or a combination. There really is no right formula. My husband and I have been through every version possible. At times we've had only a joint account, or only separate, or a joint and separate. Currently we're back to only a joint account. We've tried all different combinations because at first we were trying to figure out what would work best. But our situations have changed over the years. At sometimes the arrangement work and during others they didn't.

He's a spender, I'm a saver. He knows that so I'm not giving away any embarrassing secrets. Our first join-only account arrangement was a disaster. Although we have different spending styles we are both disorganized. Back when we were newly married we were even worse. He'd be out spending merrily and I would, oh I don't be doing something crazy like paying bills and nothing was coordinated. So we were overdrawn all the time.

Then we moved to cash allowances with a joint account. That didn't work out so well either. I can't remember, but I think he always ran out of money and took from the account anyway. In hindsight this was not entirely his fault he probably needed a larger allowance. Maybe.

Then, oh heck, I can't even remember the sequence of things. I do remember the year we divided up the bills proportionally according to our earnings and went our separate financial ways. That was such a joy! No more fighting about who spent what or whatever. We lived in this bliss for several years. But when I decided to work independently we changed again. We're back to the original joint account. It's been working for several years. That's probably due to maturity, my tight fist, and online banking.

So I think when it comes to the Suze Ormans they definitely have good advice. Suze says to keep a joint account for paying bills, separate accounts for personal spending, and a joint savings vehicle. But don't be afraid to stray and play around with arrangements.

I still believe in the Suzes' advice to keep some things separate but not hidden. Have your own credit card, your own retirement fund, email, iTunes, computer login. A friend of mine even has her own bathroom--not just a sink. Just because you are a couple it doesn't mean that you always have to merge everything. You are still individuals.

Hey December is Engagement Month. More couple's become engaged in December than in February. And since this is a credit union blog--I'm going to take a look at the financials of love all week.