Things to think about before moving in together

photo by ittybittiesforyou

A lot of people choose to live together for various reasons. They might be taking their relationship for a test run, not interested in marriage or unable to legally wed. Whatever the reason cohabitating is more than being roommates or playing house.

Yeah there are all those issues of getting used to another person's habits and personal quirks. But, you've also got to address financial issues such as how to divide the bills and what happens to shared assets if you split.

It's in the best interest of both of you to accept these realities and make a written agreement. Who pays for what doesn't necessarily need to be in a formal document. But it's best if you put what happens to your stuff into a legal cohabitation agreement. Don't assume that you'll both be cooperative if you should break up or that your assets will be divided equitably.

It's often a good idea to open a joint account that you'll use solely for paying bills. You could just divide the bills and then pay them from separate accounts, but what if your partner isn't able to or doesn't take care of their portion. You'll want to set up a direct deposit for each of you into the account. That way if one of you is sick, forgetful or for whatever reason unable to pay bills, the other can make sure that things get taken care of.

If you and your sweetie should fall in love with a house both of your names can be on the title. However, if you finance the majority of the purchase and later breakup, then without a prior agreement you may only get half the value of the home.

Cohabitation agreements aren't just people who are wealthy. What they do is give you some of the legal rights you could be missing out on if you aren't officially married. Hopefully you'll never need to pull it out after it's created, but besides breaking up there are other instances when it could come in handy. If your sweetie should become seriously ill, this is one document that could spell out how assets should be handled.

Here's a good example of what a cohabitation agreement could look like. It doesn't have to be drawn up by an attorney, but it's a good idea get one to look it over. If one of you writes the agreement and it's not reviewed by an attorney it could later be construed by a court against the partner who drew it up. And it's best to use separate attorneys to represent each of your interests. This makes it more fair. Most states do recognize cohabitation agreements for either heterosexual or same-sex couples.

However you approach an agreement be sure that it is a written document. It's much easier to be specific when it's written.

Sure there is nothing romantic about dividing up bills and discussing your possible breakup, but creating an agreement is a healthy move for your relationship. It gives you the chance to clearly set out what responsibilities and assets you have. Which leads to honesty--Be Honest. Don't hide assets from your partner. This could burn you later. If you're bringing more to the relationship than your sweetie write it into the agreement. Make it clear that your inheritance from grandma or other money stash has nothing to do with this relationship--if that's how you feel.

Hey December is Engagement Month. More couple's become engaged in December than in February. And since this is a credit union blog--I'm going to take a look at the financials of love all week.

Would you tell your girlfriend/boyfriend about your finances?

Early this year there was an article in a money management advice column in which a woman was afraid to disclose her wealth to her boyfriend. She'd been burned before by guys who were only in the relationship for money. The columnist advised her to be honest if she was serious about the relationship. Good advice.


Then I read a question on Yahoo Answers in which a guy wondered why is girlfriend was so upset about his poor financial management and debt. She was at the point of worrying and crying. I was surprised by many answers (from guys) who pegged the girlfriend as a gold digger.

These two aren't the only people trying to figure out how money and love can work together. Love can often lead to marriage and money trouble can often lead to divorce. But how honest should you be and when do you disclose your financial situation?

Sometimes you can pick up clues about the way your date relates to money.

• Is he/she always rushing to the ATM?
• Does he/she complain about bills or debt?
• Does he/she worry about the costs of things?
• Does he/she like to take expensive vacations or buy nice things without a sign of worry?

Of course you'll notice other things. But if the your conversations begin to turn to living together or future plans it's not enough to rely on clues. It's best to be open and ask some direct questions to determine if you are financially compatible.

• Where do you want to spend your life?
• What's your dream job?
• How do you see your life in 10 years?
• How much money do you earn?
• Do you want joint bank accounts? Why?
• What are your financial goals? What's your plan for reaching those goals?
• What is your debt situation?
• How many credit cards do you have?
• What percentage of your income do you spend every payday?
• What are your financial obligations?
• If you or I were offered a lucrative job opportunity in some other region of the country, would you be prepared to move?
• Do you have any long-term savings?

These might sound like a battery of job interview-type questions. So it's up to you how you present these and get your answers. And whether or not the answers change your feelings is up to you. But if you do address these issues there isn't any room for claiming that you were unaware of what you were getting into.

When it comes to love and money this is one area where you've got to separate your hear from your head. That over spender maybe cute, lovable and generous now. But a few years down the road when there are kids to care for and mortgages to pay it you'll need to know that you can count on your other half.

Hey December is Engagement Month. More couple's become engaged in December than in February. And since this is a credit union blog--I'm going to take a look at the financials of love all week.

Dating Advice, From the Pro

by Luke McIlwee, intern

So you have a date with that cute waitress or teller this weekend, good work. Spending a ton of money for dinner at a fancy restaurant on the first date should impress her right? If your goal is to make her attraction towards you as weak as possible, then that’s the perfect thing to do. She may enjoy the free meal, but she is not going to be impressed by your supplementive behavior, and she will assume you are trying to buy her attraction. So a movie should do the trick right? Wrong. There is nothing more awkward than sitting in a dark room next to someone you don’t know very well for two hours while you wonder about what to do with yourself. Should you put your arm around her? Should you stay off of the middle arm rest? Who should hold the popcorn? It’s just a mess, and is derived from taking away from the date what is most important: communication.

The best dates are ones that don’t cost any money and allow plenty of opportunity to converse with your date. Most of the time the best date is very simple, like having her help you buy a gift for a friend at the mall or checking out the art at the local public museum. The main idea here is to have fun while doing something simple, because if you can’t do that then there is no hope for the relationship in the first place. While talking it’s important not to go into interview mode. No one enjoys the generic conversation that includes the usual questions like: where do you live, where do you work, how much time did you spend doing your taxes last year, etc. These questions are dull and you might as well just save time by exchanging resumes. Instead ask open ended questions that you are genuinely interested about, like what her passions are, what goals she has for herself and what she really enjoys doing in her free time. Keep the conversation light and fun, this way you will get a better idea of what kind of person she is and if she is worth spending more time with.